When love is in reach but you hesitate because you still don’t believe in yourself and all the color of this year is at your feet, gone. Before you a path, adventure, yet you focus on the roots, and the rocks, and the soil.
Bring your awareness to the green, the leaves yet to turn, the experiences yet to color your life, the future. As the squirrel gathers crab apples from the tree, finding just the right one and nibbling to it’s core. Knowing that it’s harvest. Knowing that more yellow and brown leaves will fall and the trees will soon be barren in frigid wind and short light.
All that you want to say, to speak, to birth. Every expression of every conclusion you’ve come to now grows, and brings life ever changing as clusters of thoughts emanating from your lips, entangled and sewn as jewels on a string.
Sometimes our realizations come as a whole that we can see from any angle and all angles. Complete thoughts have to be dissected into manageable portions that we can communicate or we end up just jumbling our thoughts and our words. These moments are precious and important.
In meditation we find the string that holds the jewels.
Bud and Tina were close. They’d been that way since junior year in high school. Even though Tina went off to the west coast to pursue her acting career she kept in touch mostly by social media, but on occasion, usually in a semi drunken state, she’d call him just to say hi. Bud almost seemed to know she was going to call just as he knew that some day they’d be more than friends.
That day has not yet come, but after this weekend’s meet up in Meredith he was confident that she realized that they have a very deep connection. Tina admitted to him that she feels his warmth and loving touch right down to her roots. We’ll see!
Moss and saplings cover and intrude under a canopy of blue light. Uncomfortable frustrating experiences creating a space of knowing, a kind of wisdom. Wisdom based on fear, making you mindless and almost superstitious.
The ugly wisdom.
The kind that compels you to park in the same area, sit in the same area and walk the same trails because they work, they are familiar. The burl, the reaction, that brings you to respond with a quick no so that you don’t say yes.
The ugly wisdom
Soon comes a gentle breeze expelling last nights rain off your leaves. Soon comes light and with it change.
In the damp humid air fungus emerges from the forest floor, ascending, growing tags like shells. Each one a moment when you allowed yourself to accept limited love and to be less than who you really are because it was not enough or it was too much.
Sean just doesn’t understand why he never gets a second or a third date. He goes to the gym at least 5 times a week, dresses in complimentary colors, and remembers to listen intently. Sometimes he actually holds his breath when others are talking.
He read somewhere that in order to seem desirable he had to stand out which to him seems ridiculous because it’s so natural to blend in. Maybe he’ll work on his voice next.
When you choose to love for who they are. When the parts of them that are not pretty, but hardened and stubborn and want to reach up to the light or down into the earth, but still want growth, life. When full acceptance of their joyous passions and their tortured wounds are met with your mindful embrace.
If I can’t fly then I want to be a tree, strong and resilient, whose roots form webs and networks with it’s tribe, always an exhale, always a balance a compliment.
Always alive even when life steps in with heavy rains and wind, when my branches break or worms make bags and pockets and eat my leaves. Even when squirrels make nests, ugh those squirrels. Even when the woodpeckers dig and dig and find those bugs.
I still exhale. Even when a person comes and takes my bark, my skin. Even when I’m broken or cut down.
Still then I have my tribe, my network, my web. And I exhale.
“From her heart grows a tree” whose bark has peeled and chipped, now leaving exposed wood growing moss and green creatures fertile with new life to pass. She is solid below the surface, and confident the new chapter will take root.
Thank you Melanie. See her post here. I hope I did this right! 🙂
Edward felt that all those years of practice was beginning to pay off. He’d actually landed a spot in the symphony! The only problem was that he let him self go over that past year and now his waistband was just a bit too tight. The other flutists are taking bets to see how long it will take before he pops a blood vessel in his eye from blowing a bit too hard.