Tag Archives: self awareness

Freedom

Freedom is in your awareness.

In knowing, what grows beside you as tendrils from your stem, your root. Maybe something from the past. A relationship, or wrong doing or mistreatment. They grow out of you and share your soil, your nourishment, and your light. Only when you become aware of those shoots, can you choose not to feed them. Only when you become aware of their life tangled and intermingled with your roots, can you choose to discard them.

Even then, even when you choose to slay their gnarled intrusion, even then, you still may not be aware that this life is just a small part of who you are.

Your task is to know this and grow. Because when your roots are fairly set, you can reach and grow no matter what the past brought, or what the future will bring.

More blue than white

Stillness bringing a reflection and a realistic view of life. Blue sky and mesh white clouds backdrop to gray clouds of discontent. More blue than white. More white than gray.

In the field of green grass and last fall’s leaves, submerged from the spring rain of renewal, a reflection is brought to light. You realize that spring has come and the warmth of summer will soon follow and with it more blue sky.

Crunchy mud

Spring brings light on moist air. Captured water like fangs from a monsters snarl. Once without support soft and formless, now crunchy mud, now frozen and safe.

Crunchy mud allows you to walk across an area that would otherwise cause you to sink. When you step you sink only slightly because the ice, the crunch supports you. It’s a dichotomy of soft and hard, of wallowing and traversing to overcome. The ice although hard and cold, supports and protects you from the hard sink, the wallow that would otherwise cause you to have to come home and scrape the muck off your boots.

In searching for your next step in life you sometimes have to go very deep, so deep that you sink and wallow and dive so far that you have a good chance of getting stuck. If you’re a person who tends to think more than feel you will struggle to find what you really love in life. How can you be happy if you don’t know what you love? How can you be radiant and fully express yourself if you don’t know love?

The trick is to the balance between feeling and thinking because the thinking is what grounds you. Cold hard facts that sometimes freeze you are the ice in the crunchy mud. Sometimes you can figure out the next step on your path and stay above the the dark mud because you can pull yourself out of it with the strength of your mind, the cold hard facts, the ice.

This is a time of new beginnings. A time to evaluate and create and to know that in spring all trails have sections of crunchy mud.

Harry and Sheila

Moss growing as whiskers on aged bark. Green and gray and sometimes blue by the light of day. Joyful warmth the sun brings allowing them to curl and hang and sway in the spring breeze as the aged bark dries and renews from the winter’s shell.

When looking for love we try to find a kindred spirit. Not just someone who is attractive or stable but also someone we see ourselves in. You know, the most desirable parts. But also a person we know will be there when we need it most.

I never really thought much about my past relationships especially my childhood. It’s done and why the heck hold onto something I can’t change. I realize now that I have been holding onto a wound so deep and so buried (like 10 feet under ice and snow and not even remembering that it was once there deep) that it’s virtually not even a part of me, like maybe a whisker growing sort of under my chin and I have to have my reading glasses on, and tilt my head in a certain way as I lean into the light when looking at a magnified mirror. You get the point. That’s what I just saw. A whisker of abandonment from childhood that has caused me to think too much about what I should be instead of just being. Well, got my tweezers! That whisker is toast.

Shiela’s in the sun and gathering the light. The light of understanding that is nurturing the relationship. Harry is somewhat in the dark but hey, he’s a man. (sorry guys). Was is always like this? Wasn’t there a time when Harry was bright and strong or was it just what Shiela wanted to see in him? Was it because she was thinking too much, trying to quantify her heart because she had to make the best decision?

As a single woman I am enough. It starts there.