I sit here watching the light on the trees that sway from yet another windy day. Overwhelmed, I sip after sip, mostly quickly. I just want to erase the day. The details not confirmed. The issues not solved. The move yet to happen but not yet. You’d think that since I’ve waited this long it would be an exciting moment but the day was big, full, like the winds. I long for just one small cloud in my bright blue sky. Just one that I can follow and admire. Another sip. Indian music plays. I have no idea what they are saying and the minor chords are somewhat irritating yet they give me hope. Hope that I can make it through this without totally loosing it. So many moving parts. I want to be there for everyone but I can’t wait to just be in my little place. My simple, safe place. I’m so grateful. The music, the demands, another sip. I tell myself that I can do this!
I wrote this almost a year ago as I was preparing for a major shift in my life. My hopes and dreams rested on a move to another state, another job, another life, the unknown. A year has passed and in some ways nothing has changed. My life is still on hold and I pass the days working and loving nature. This morning I sipped my coffee as I watched a beautiful moonset, and something shifted. It was small but important. In that moment I saw myself happy and unapologetic, wearing clothes that I felt comfortable in and fully expressed ME. I think I’m ready. I think ME has finally showed up and I’m not going to let her leave.