In knowing, what grows beside you as tendrils from your stem, your root. Maybe something from the past. A relationship, or wrong doing or mistreatment. They grow out of you and share your soil, your nourishment, and your light. Only when you become aware of those shoots, can you choose not to feed them. Only when you become aware of their life tangled and intermingled with your roots, can you choose to discard them.
Even then, even when you choose to slay their gnarled intrusion, even then, you still may not be aware that this life is just a small part of who you are.
Your task is to know this and grow. Because when your roots are fairly set, you can reach and grow no matter what the past brought, or what the future will bring.
My brow of sweat like children on a playground. Full and loud. Only warm water to drink yet joy fills my heart as I witness another, wings full, colorful and light.
In clear moments we see that we have a choice. That we don’t have to just let life choose for us.
We then realize that up to that moment of clarity, we were never ready for a new relationship because we had to trust ourselves, believe in ourselves, know that we could succeed on our own. We needed to know that we were all that we needed before we could depend on someone else.
Only then. Only then will we be ready for an equal relationship, that is based not only on the security of being a dependent, but also on the equality of being independent.
chirps of cardinals, wind pushing cool air onto my cheek rosy with frost, fresh and tingling almost burning, my steps rhythmic crunching and crunching as I move forward in my desire, the desire to change the landscape of my life from frost to mud, then warm sun, golden
Out of the frost I move with conviction to change.
Crunchy steps under spiked boots on mud and ice. Slow drops on branch tips unable to decide if they were liquid or solid. Rain and 37 degrees making wet clothes from the rain and from the sweat. Raw wind as welcome relief from my body overheating, yet the air was fresh. The forest’s exhale was a gift. Despite the unpleasant conditions, the externals, the air brought me to the moment. The perfect moment when my sweaty body was refreshed. The misty raw air, hitting my face was wet and wild and alive, and I was free from that which was unpleasant.
May this year bring you the freedom to be wet and wild and alive and not be pulled out of that beautiful moment by externals.
I walk slowly having made it to the top. My breath slows and returns to normal and I am grateful that this moment brings me peace in the clouds and mist, because the path that I am on honors my true self.
May you use this opportunity wisely and be the best expression of love that you can be. Even when it’s hard. Even when you begin to age and your body begins to stiffen and the younger generation takes up more space. Even when you are less useful.
When love is in reach but you hesitate because you still don’t believe in yourself and all the color of this year is at your feet, gone. Before you a path, adventure, yet you focus on the roots, and the rocks, and the soil.
Bring your awareness to the green, the leaves yet to turn, the experiences yet to color your life, the future. As the squirrel gathers crab apples from the tree, finding just the right one and nibbling to it’s core. Knowing that it’s harvest. Knowing that more yellow and brown leaves will fall and the trees will soon be barren in frigid wind and short light.
Bud and Tina were close. They’d been that way since junior year in high school. Even though Tina went off to the west coast to pursue her acting career she kept in touch mostly by social media, but on occasion, usually in a semi drunken state, she’d call him just to say hi. Bud almost seemed to know she was going to call just as he knew that some day they’d be more than friends.
That day has not yet come, but after this weekend’s meet up in Meredith he was confident that she realized that they have a very deep connection. Tina admitted to him that she feels his warmth and loving touch right down to her roots. We’ll see!